purplesmile's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shite This is miserable. I’m sitting on the toilet shivering. Shaking. I don’t know why I’m so cold. I brought my laptop into the bathroom to keep me entertained with music and solitaire. I’ve won probably 15 games of solitaire in the last hour and a half. I also tried to teach myself freecell but I don’t like it much. I’m just sitting here. Shitting here. I’m impossibly thirsty and can’t drink anything but this Golytely solution. I know you’re all happy to keep me company during my cleansing. Everyone says the colonoscopy is a breeze after this shit. Literally. This shit. Ugh. I did hear a funny story about this, though. High school teachers have a strange way of life. I had one tell me today about her experiences, and it’s a story worth retelling. Before a colonoscopy you have to have your insides sterilized. It’s a shitty process. Basically you have to drink four liters of a salty flavored solution (my doctor gave me lemon-lime…blah) called Golytely. Every ten minutes you have to chug eight ounces of this stuff. After about 40 minutes to an hour, you have to do this sitting on the toilet. It’s hard enough getting past the gag reflex. I’ve almost thrown it right back up each time. Drinking it sucks. Doing it while simultaneously shitting is damn near impossible. So this teacher’s daughter has to go through this, and her mother, the teacher, decides it ought to be a family affair. They go out and buy beer. While her daughter is being purged of all bodily impurities, the teacher along with her husband and son are in the bathroom with her, matching each shot of Golytely with a shot of beer for themselves. She said it created quite a memory. I gotta admit I wouldn’t mind company myself. But then, that’s what you’re for. My mom’s stopped by twice to check on me. I’m SO cold. I actually have on three shirts. One is a light blue/white/brown/orange flannel from the 70s. My pants aren’t really on, so I guess they don’t count, but I have a blanket in my lap. I haven’t eat much lately…I’m hoping to get out of drinking much more of this stuff. Today I had a piece of baklava in the late morning, and some broth and Dr. Pepper around 5:00. I started drinking the Golytely at 6:00. It’s 8:00 now. I still have another half hour to go technically, but my ass is sore from sitting here so much, and I think I’m pretty much empty and sterilized. Huh. I’m gonna be a big girl and drink one more cup of this crap. Blllleeech. I quit. 8:04 p.m. - January 13, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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