purplesmile's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catholic, Queer and Female First, read this. Ok. So I plugged Peter Liuzzi’s name into Google and got all sorts of shit on the directives of the various diocese on creating outreach programs for those of us with the leprosy of now. I think I’ve previously mentioned my desire for my parents to never be present at a PFLAG meeting. More than that, I don’t think I could handle their (or my own) attendance at a Gay and Lesbian Outreach meeting held by people who pat me on the head and tell me I’m a child of G-d but to ignore who I am. That’s what They’re saying. Ignore who you are. You don’t deserve to love someone and be loved by someone. G-d might love you, but only because that’s G-d’s job. You don’t deserve the same happiness that heterosexuals deserve simply because you are you. Always our children? Yeah, fuck you. I’ll tell you what. All my parents want is for me to be happy. That’s really all they want. When I finally am ready to tell them, I will always be their child, and as parents, they will still want me to be happy. Even if this happiness is found sleeping in the same bed as another woman in a monogamous relationship where we consider ourselves married. They will still love me. That's what it means to always be someone's child. Not to mention that I can think of a number of homosexual relationships that are rooted more in the sanctity of marriage, love and G-d than are so many heterosexual marriages. Always our children? That doesn’t mean you love me in spite of who I am, you love me because of who I am. All of me: the student, the teacher, the person, the spirit, the daughter, the sister, the Catholic, the dyke. I love being Catholic. I refuse to give it up because of my sexual orientation. I do not agree with the Church on so many issues, and this one bothers me almost as much as Their treatment of women in general. BT told me once that we stick with the Church because we have the faith that it can and will change. I stick with it because I believe I’m one of the people who can change it. I don’t know how. I have no idea how. But I won’t give up being Catholic because I’m queer and They don’t like me very much. “Pain and paradox.” Peter Liuzzi says what I’ve heard my entire life regarding homosexuality: It’s the action not the thought that is sinful, which I find interesting and contradictory. I remember also being taught that the thoughts counted as sin in some instances: You’re about to steal a candy bar, and someone walks into the aisle you’re in, so you can’t steal it. You still sinned because you planned to steal. So, here’s my question: Being homosexual—my actual personal sexual experiences aside—because I’ve considered it, and had the intent to act on it at some point, even the intention a sin. If I had considered it, slapped my own wrist and said I would surely not desecrate the temple G-d gave me in such a perverted way, it would not be a sin? The concept and question of sin throws me off anyway, so applying it to my sexuality is even more difficult. Here’s what I know. The Church is really trying to obstruct my way of life. I’m not just talking about sexuality, I’m talking about being female, I’m talking about considering the religious life. Yes, the bad days of the Church are too frequent. It’s not going to stop me. I will be me, whether I choose to live that life as actively sexual or chaste, single or religious. It will be my decision, and no one else’s. No one is going to force me into the religious life, so why does the Church think they can force me be into the heterosexual life? Or into the single life? It is not Their choice. Yes, the Church might be there to serve as a guide, but you have to be careful who you trust to guide you. Everyone person and institution has its own motives. It’s about listening to the right voice. 10:28 a.m. - March 03, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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